as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
