i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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