We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Randomize
