Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
