sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
