***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
