i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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