you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
