I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
