I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
