The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
