Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize