This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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