Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
