Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
