I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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