My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
