I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
