awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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