Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
how does that bad decision feel?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize