Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
two words...techno handjob
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
