I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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