You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
