Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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