Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
