i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize