Your face is a jimmy john
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
