omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
