at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dicks are not precious.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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