All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
