You're so nebulous sometimes
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
