well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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