you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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