i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You ate ashes out of my bong
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
