She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
