The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
