I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You ruined the universe
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
