And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
