They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
