I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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