I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
