He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
