just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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