Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
