The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
God gave him joint rollers for hands
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
