Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We are two peas in an std pod
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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