I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
