i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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