in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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