u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
