haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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