I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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