Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
