why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
