Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
