Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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