found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
