lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
