If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
