I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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