apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
