is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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