Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
