Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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