We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
