shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
