So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
