I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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