He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
