I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
someone threw a dead crab at me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
