I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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